| 2003-03-31 23:33:53.0

aside from blogging on about my blog -- i had many, many other experiences today... some completely new and others not so different from experiences i've had in the past. i laughed a lot, cried a lot, learned some new things and probably forgot some old things. all in all, it was, as always, the very best and very worst day of my life.

i do know i am holding back on some things i want to say here today. "why is that?" you may ask. you got me. perhaps adept bloggers know why they have chosen to write what they write, so their prose flows freely. i on the other hand am simply typing in clickety-clack syncopation with the most audible train of thought going through my mind in a given moment. as you may have noticed in my first post, what i believe to be lesser thoughts are logged in the "mycurrentstreamofconscious" section. however - it seems when i type said lesser thoughts, they instantly become my primary thoughts. how unfortunate (maybe?)... -- a presumedly grandiose idea for a new weblog shtick debunked by its very inventor. alas - i will be stubborn and continue the "mycurrentstreamofconscious" section tho' i believe it a hollow sham.

in closing -- if i have ever made you feel 'unhappy' in any way -- if i made you feel sad, angry, frightened, inferior, or any of the host of other feelings you would categorize as 'unhappy' - i am very sorry and always will be... even if i had no intention of making you feel that way! please forgive me if you wish. (but - even if you do - i will still feel sad, guilty, and contrite about having made you feel that way.)

| 2003-04-01 23:30:43.0

when i looked up the definition of "fool" at dictionary.com, the early entries bespoke of those deficient in judgment, sense, or understanding; and of those who act unwisely on a given occasion. sure, sure -- the normal foolishness of working to pay off the bills i've incurred by purchasing utterly trite and uninspiring things i no longer want (and can't fathom why i ever wanted) in my life still consumed most of my waking hours. (ok - i also work out of appreciation for everyone that invests their time and/or faith in and/or for our company, so work is not completely foolish.)

but, lo and behold, i believe i made a few personal choices today that were not plagued by deficiencies in judgment at all. in fact, my words and deeds seemed to actually be the perfect words and deeds for the given occasions. suffice it to say, i won't "bore you with the details", (a euphemistic way of saying i'm still holding back on the private stuff when blogging,) but you may take solace in the fact that i believe i made an actual positive difference in others' lives today. darn, it feels great!

in the name of all that is good, if i must play the fool, i wish to be cast as the man who was a fool for love. or, as a latter dictionary definition (which i have lamentably never been privy to until today) (well - it wasn't really a secret - guess i just need to visit dictionary.com more often!) cites "one who subverts convention or orthodoxy or varies from social conformity in order to reveal moral truths".

| 2003-04-02 23:57:30.0

first, the panic: now the unsuspecting masses would quickly descend into the innermost depths of my haunted psyche. (oh, wait - that happens every time i open my mammoth mouth... no cause for concern there.) then, the exhilaration: once my voluminous meditations had time to seep in and saturate their synapses, any mortal would quickly profess their boundless adulation for my astuteness regarding all things subluminary. (nope - wrong again -why would they? - considering the fact that even i don't take much stock in what i say... (at least i HOPE no one else thinks i know what i am talking about!)) then, finally, reality set in: i still don't know why i am writing these damn ruminations down!

in a frenzied flow of fingers, i immediately (read:5 hours later) decided to peruse some other blogs to see if i could allay some of my fears about making the story of my life an open book. i began by reading aforementioned mike's blog and, almost instantly, my new addiction quickly spiraled out of control... i then devoured the blog links on mike's page -- then the links on the links of mike's page - then the links on the links on the links ad infinitum of mike's page.

at last - a warm wave of peace (well - it was warm at least -- maybe it was pee, since i had been sitting at my PC for so long,) washed over me -- after deliberately choosing to spend a few hours engrossed in the musings of my fellow man - i now know most of you are more messed up in the head than i am! ;-) (i'm not ok - you're REALLY not ok... ;-)) (just kiddin' -- i love you all! - (even if i suck at showing it sometimes (or- even if i haven't met you yet - honest - i am eagerly awaiting the chance to let you down in the future!)))

have your own blog? let me know about it. maybe i will stop by, read it, and summarily judge a.) your lifestyle; b.) your character (or, lack thereof); or c.) the nature of your very self based solely on your weblog's content, layout, and number of typos! ( just kidding again!) now i wonder if and/or when i will share my blog with (or, should that be "inflict my blog upon"?) absolutely everyone i hold close to my heart.

| 2003-04-03 23:52:17.0

i have indeed determined that, perhaps "instinctively", i write in the hopes that you might find some repose from your workaday woes within my words. simply put, i want to make you happy. why don't i regale you with the tale of "the really big load of laundry i did today"? or assure you that, yes, crazy as it sounds, "i ate waffles for dinner"? or, did ya hear the one about "the fiscal year database fiasco in which we had a positive and negative occurrence of the same variable canceling each other out"? (hilarious! the feel good hit of the summer!)

i'll tell you why i don't --- because i surmise you have already become quite engorged ingesting your own daily intake of the same mind-numbing, soul-stealing tripe. (and, always remember, you are what you eat.)

i write because i want to make you forget the commonplace. i want to transport you to a strange new world; a world consisting of your mind intertwined with mine. as you read this very sentence, you and i, across great physical distances, are closer than our bodies could ever be. by truly consuming my thoughts this very second - you are thinking of nothing else on this planet except what i implore you to think about. you no longer exisit. only we exist. i refuse to squander this deepest intimacy. whenever you become my mental doppelganger, my desire is to make you feel the way i always want to feel. alive! alight! unbound! i wish to set what is now our collective mind ablaze. i want to feel out and caress the deepest recesses of our shared existence. i can make our time together much more fulfilling than any base need you'll ever satiate. i can utterly and forever trivialize your outdated primal urge for mere physical sex. at this very moment, i have impregnated your mind with my thoughts.

now, if you'll excuse me, i've gotta' go fold some laundry.

| 2003-04-04 11:59:59.0

so - i bid you adieu for now. please feel free to make some sacrificial offerings to the gods and beseech them, if it please them, to show mercy on my trusty rusty computer.

| 2003-04-05 11:59:59.0

in my life, i have seen amazing things. i have done amazing things. i have told others about said things. and, i am rather confident i will see, do and speak of more amazing things as my brief stroll through time continues. (especially since EVERYTHING on this planet amazes me!) yet, even as a raconteur of some (albeit possibly self-deluded) aplomb, i feel it my duty to assure you that my mindless dreck is just that... or that it is at least as good as anything anyone else has ever produced.

so - rather than sit here reading my amazing drivel, i encourage you to look elsewhere as well and partake in any of the multitudes of mankind's masterworks, all created in the hopes of easing your malaise. or - make up your own masterwork! your thoughts entitle you to enter the pantheon of those with purportedly "great" thoughts regarding the meaning of life as well!

| 2003-04-06 11:59:59.0

actually, i was none the worse for wear physically. ironically, my mistresses; grief and depression, had wistfully begged me to keep them company in bed until 6 o'clock saturday afternoon, so i wasn't the least bit tired. it is true i wasn't really thinking when i had taken my old and new friends up on their offer to warm my empty stomach with a couple of drinks, but the accident really did "sober me up pretty fast". (some oft-uttered adage boldly declaring its ability to withstand the test of time harangues me daily.)

it happened in an instant, yet fate had unfortunately seen it fit to give me just enough lead time on tonight's particular machinations to realize what was about to occur. my inability to circumvent the impending threat infuriated me. my inability to control time or even my place in it had never been so painfully evident.

my beloved friend (acting as my chauffeur for the evening) and i exited our vehicle simultaneously. it took me a while to traverse state street's recently rimed pavement. however, once i realized she had made it to the crash site in half my time, i quickly felt the need to blame the tread on my sneakers for my newly perceived otiose strut. (to add insult to injury, i think she may have been wearing high heels of some sort.)

i placed the call to 911 at 2:24/3:24 in the morning. three police cars, two ambulances and a fire truck arrived almost instantaneously. i failed to note the actual time, as i was distracted by the limitless 'what-if' scenarios running through my mind. each and every scenario hinged on time's intervention; a second earlier, a second later, entire lifetimes decided by singular moments.

when i finally noticed the slight ribbon of cruor etched in the upper right corner of my friendly neighborhood barkeeps' forehead, i suddenly felt quite embarrassed. even though i was so very confident we both shared an immediate rapport, (when she smiled at me it made me think that she too felt as if we were old friends) you must realize i had just met this woman an hour (or was that two hours) ago. granted, i was also rather confident she had been hearing personal details about me in stories from our shared friend for years, so i shouldn't have been that surprised at our dynamic. still, viewing her vital lifeblood seemed far too intimate. it made me feel almost lascivious... prurient. whatever this feeling was, i am quite sure i had never experienced it before. (i was also feeling a little more than guilty we cajoled her into doing her first and only shot of the night with us -- a toast to the future -- right before she got in her car.)

as the procession of tow trucks and ambulances commenced uptown, we joined their ranks. i know my acquaintance and i briefly discussed the collision we had witnessed, but for the most part she was busy sharing logistical data with the involved's relatives via her cel phone. i busied myself with reticent meditations. i thought about how absolutely absurd it is that we constantly attempt to alter ourselves in time's confines while it deftly and unremittingly alters our lives until it simply chooses to stop "sharing" itself with us. but, such is life.

very thankfully, i am happy to report that everyone in the accident seemed to be, for the most part, "o.k." as of 5am (or was it 4) this morning. i will let you know if i hear anything more.

in conclusion dearest reader -- i just want to thank you here and now for being my friend. i have had incredible times with you in the past. now, let us both hope time gives us the chance to get together again.

| 2003-04-07 11:59:59.0

now - you may have noticed the timestamps on my last few entries have been falsified -- but that does NOT mean that the content consists of ersatz sentiment.

what it means is that i started writing the entry on the date listed, but midnight rolled around before i finished. so, i am doing you a favor by setting the time to 11:59:59 so as to keep the space/time continuum copasetic. (thanks bob!)

why can't i post my deviant detritus on time? because i have been busy. very, very busy.

i have been assiduously attempting to make amends (with you, with others and with myself).

why? because we all deserve better.

please let me know if you have any suggestions. thanks!

| 2003-04-08 23:55:09.0

maybeperhaps
i know i hate that i may never know
i hate that i may never know
i know

i didn't deserve this
i am sure
am i sure i didn't deserve this?

i'm not sure why i'm here today
today i'm not sure why i'm here

sometimes i want to die just to see what it's like
sometimes i want to see just what it's like to die

| 2003-04-09 23:38:38.0

tubby time for me is indeed a wholly holy ablutionary ritual. it is when i try to wash off not only the physical funk i've produced, but also any cognizance i've experienced throughout the day encouraging me to consider myself compos mentis.

ya' see, the way i figure it, if i make sure i thoroughly scrub away any thoughts of perceived sanity, i won't ever become complacent.

i strive for a sort of existential amnesia. i want to forget everything (i think) i know. my baths are reverse baptisms - a chance to boldly renounce my beliefs. i want to cleanse myself of these dirty "answers" i claim i've found to life's "mysteries".

that way, i am completely free to enjoy getting dirty all over again tomorrow.

| 2003-04-11 22:47:06.0

| 2003-04-14 22:40:27.0

now, perhaps you are so far entrenched in the pits of your own particular cave that you somehow missed reading it or anything written about it (or anything similar to it) in the last few thousand years. (not that there is anything "wrong" with that.)

even if this is the case, tonight i still "simply" wanted to ask you --- why do you do the things you do? why do you think the way you think? why are the thoughts you've been inclined to assign merit to in the past not being revisited in light of recent evidence? should this evidence be considered? do some things you think hurt you? are you hurting in other ways? are you hurting others? are you hurting yourself? what is hurt? is hurt good or bad? what is good or bad? what is happiness? do you want to be happy? do you want to see others happy? why be happy? what else do you want? why do you want it? what do you care about? why do you care about it? why anything? why ask why? why do you assume anything that you "know" or have "learned" is of any value. do you assume this? if so, why? if not, why not? what has value? does any of it matter? (what is mind? no matter. what is matter? never mind.)

i'm pretty sure there are a probably a few more questions i could ask, but the above should be enough to get us started. ;-)

there are (of course) also volumes written in every "discipline" attempting to explain why these questions exist, why we ask them, why we should (or shouldn't) ask them, and why we are sometimes afraid to ask them.

what is your take on it all? as for me, i have always been a spelunker.

| 2003-04-16 23:59:59.0

now, before i get to the meat and potatoes of this particular unconscious mental meal, i must remind you that i am, for the most part, quite a lucid dreamer. in fact, i am pretty sure i was actually wide awake for a significant portion of this morning's sumptuous phantasmic feast.

that is why i am still really freaked out.

it seems i began the dream mooning about a vast landscape of nothingness. (well - i guess there was SOMETHING there - i remember i was peripatetic, so there was at least a ground beneath my feet.) then - on said ground, ziplock baggies full of human 'cells' (what exact type of human cell, i do not know) began to materialize.

as i picked up each bag, i was somehow able to look into the center of a cell and determine where (or, rather, from whom) it originated.

as i continued gathering more bags, i "realized" each of us has a physical body/mind that serves as our vessel to shuttle us back and forth between the dream world and the earthly plane. because of this, i suddenly found it imperative to return the cells to their rightful owners so that their bodies could continue to exist (so that those bodies might continue to dream.)

now, here is where it gets a bit strange. ;-)

i realized one bag o' cells belonged to a rather dear friend of mine; a friend who just happened to be sleeping next to me last night. so - i opened the baggie, placed the cell on my right index finger, ACTUALLY WOKE UP, and touched the aforementioned pseudo-cell-bearing finger against the elbow of my bedmate.

as i lay in bed COMPLETELY AWAKE, i was quite content with my accomplishment -- this hithertofore unheard of transference of (anti-)matter between the dreamscape and the real world. (unless of course you count the plotlines of the matrix, being john malkovich, etc., etc.)

however, knowing my job was not yet done, i went BACK TO SLEEP and started gathering more bags.

so, if you feel someone touching you on your elbow tonight -- don't be alarmed... it is just me.

| 2003-04-21 23:42:31.0

i can hear it as well. it sings me songs (do do do). it laughs at me. it curses my name. it demands i set it free... even though we both know it needs me to exist.

it laments my mortal coil -- yet persistently contests that most of our troubles are our own constructs that can easily be razed.

granted, it is not a parasite; we are a wholly reciprocal dyad. we feed each other hopes and dreams. then, we quickly blame each other for wish fulfillment deferment. (secretly, i believe it has the stronger argument... i must indeed be the one holding us both back.)

i need to do something soon. if i keep it inside, it might suffocate. (the more likely scenario? it will vivaciously cut me asunder as it flees. it would rather die without me than suffer my idle promises of support and improvement.)

am i fucked up enough to change the world? sometimes i think i just might be, given the fact i still want to try.

| 2003-04-22 23:48:01.0

many times i missed the chance to hold others. (hopefully in those cases, my mind will also fail me and i won't remember how bad those forfeited opportunities feel.)

some people feel i hold them too tightly -- others believe i don't hold them tightly enough. i need to remember that each individual will have their own levels of desire for my embraces.

thankfully, i know i can forever hold you in my heart as tightly as possible (at least until my heart physically stops).

| 2003-04-23 23:00:49.0

speaking of friends: today i was appreciating all i have experienced in my life with everyone i know and just how much i loved every second of our time together! (and, in a way, even any bad times! hey, at least we were together! ;-) plus - i really do try to learn from the bad stuff (it takes me a while, but i am trying!))

so, all i really wanted to say today is thank you again for being my friend. i hope i have brought some happiness to your life as well!

| 2003-04-26 23:54:17.0

L: have you seen chad lately?
M: no... (she was lying -- she had seen me very recently but didn't want to start any trouble)
L: hmmm...
M: (in response to hmmm.) yes, that chad is a different breed...
L: well, THAT's putting it diplomatically!

oh yes... my blog is bereft of the benefit of aural inflection, so i am sure we are missing much of the dialog's intended mood. ;-) however, i doubt anyone would rebuff my steadfast claim: it must be the chad.

oh well. maybe someday i will find a way to fit in... (or, maybe not...)

| 2003-04-28 11:59:59.0

well... as i told jamie... i am dying. we all are! (we're here, we're ephemeral, get used to it!)

but - my eventual demise was not the 'direct' catalyst for this website. the blog was just "something i could do" while i await the inevitable.

are you not amused that life makes us all wonder what (if anything,) we are to do with our time here on earth?

as i read all of my friends' blogs (or other philosophers' works) i get a tiny glimpse of their personal temporal undertakings. i am oft-times empowered by the sheer profundity of their easy, eloquent elocution regarding the who, what, where, why and how of their days. (conversely, when i let my guard down, all the recondite ramblings of history coupled with the din of the preset often overpower me.)

family, lovers, friends, strangers (of the past, present and future) -- each aspires to make their own version of life transpire... our modi operandi seem to consist of apparently conscious choices being chosen as well as instinctive reflexes (courtesy our primogenitors) being reflexed in an attempt to fulfill our never-ending wants.

i merely want to stop wanting.

so, when i myself might my quietus make to end my want, at least i'll have finally accomplished something.

| 2003-04-29 11:59:59.0

recently (and, of course, frequently (nay,daily)) i give myself numerous opportunities to despise myself for my untoward behaviors; assailing others by playing the goading gadfly when they don't wish to partake of my tomfoolery, allowing schadenfreude to seduce me, and, most appallingly, displaying egregious apoplexy unleashed in the name of love.

however, all of these transgressions unfortunately seem quite pale in the light of my prior nefariousness.

currently, i at least attempt to rail against my deficiencies (even though you may not believe it if you are on the receiving end of my inadequacies). i know that i now try to act out "good intentions". but, i also know that my selfishness, stupidity, and a thorough lack of comprehending what, if anything, might actually be defined as innately "good" to all those i encounter, will see me fail in this endeavor time and time again. but, i continue trying. this was not even close to the case in the past...

simply put, in the past -- i was purposefully pernicious. i was evil incarnate. i was THE utter abomination.

recently, i may have hurt you terribly. if so, i am infinitely sorry for wronging you.
recently, i may have made you wish ill and/or death upon me. if so, i deserve all the horrible things you wished upon me and more.
recently, you might even think you have seen me at my worst...

...you really haven't. no one i have chosen with forethought to hurt ever has...

my wanton wickedness of old was always perpetrated in the shadows. i was a stealthy rogue that wouldn't even give you the opportunity to hate me because you would never have known i was the culprit.

since i never had the decency to allow my victims to detest me by name, know that i will always hate myself for my mephistophelian tendencies and wish myself a fresh eternal damnation for each one of my unhallowed deeds.

| 2003-05-04 23:32:42.0

i never know if i am supposed to laugh or cry at our follies. when something makes me happy, i laugh/cry. when something makes me sad, i laugh/cry. this enduring (not necessarily endearing) emotional flux of mine always causes me to laugh/cry.

not that "i" actually get a chance to choose my reaction in various situations. (notice how i italicized supposed to above?) my feelings cascade whimsically from visceral locales.

absurdity always bests my logic; why should my temperament fare any better against it?

i do know i like to laugh. (so, i guess i'm on the right track.)

now, if only my shoes didn't smell so funny...

| 2003-05-07 23:58:11.0

in the past, i was wont to turn a deaf ear as quickly as possible; the lush, penetrating reverberations always caused me to quake.

however, i have been learning how to single out particular instruments.

for instance, my current personal tonality is reminiscent of a slow bow drag across the lowest of strings. maybe the pitch is deep because i feel so expansively hollow as of late. i am hoping it will be possible to control the pitch by using my conscience as a tuning fork. (i have been practicing, but thus far the resultant cacophony seems like yet another one of my masturbatory, self-aggrandizing solos.)

why am i practicing? sometimes, when i get lucky, my notes are not so flat -- it is then i realize i am at least in tune with others. at that moment, i am aware of my potential for performing a dulcet duet.

when you are in the same key as another, a chord is formed -- you both instantly become entranced by the mellifluous harmony.

with enough practice, both of you will be able to play your own notes while still remaining mindful of (and even listening to, enjoying, and learning from) one another's parts. your interplay of notes form chord progressions that, in turn, become your shared melody. after a while, your melody becomes so damn catchy you both feel equally comfortable taking turns improvising and going where your agreed upon tempo takes you. if a sour note is heard, you simply refer back to your major motif and continue performing; confident neither of you would ever want to break up the band.

people can indeed make beautiful music together.

| 2003-05-13 23:52:02.0

this surely was not a crime of passion.

however did he miss coleridge's proclamation that "poetry is the blossom and the fragrance of all human knowledge, human thoughts, human passions, emotions, and language"?

heck - poetry wrote his freakin' article!

poetry is imagination. poetry is idealization. without poetry - nothing "practical" would ever come into existence. and, a vast majority of what some of us currently deem practical would cease being considered as such if viewed through the discerning eyes of poetry.

to feel the power of poetry, you must indeed choose to give it your time and devotion. the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. (and the more it gets out of you.) you must give every fiber of your being over to it. you have to commit yourself completely to it. it is the only way you will ever find yourself and see all that you are capable of being. just like love. just like life.

i hope you choose to make your life poetry in motion.

| 2003-05-17 19:46:56.0

for the umpteenth (but, i am guessing not the umteenth) time, i just finished viewing "american beauty".

sure, i laugh each time i see that goofy plastic bag dancing in the breeze. (i laugh even harder noting its simulacrum to a videography assignment i turned in back in college. hey... at least i followed the bag around town allowing its adventures to drive the piece's plot.)

i also find it amusing lester wants to alleviate his wife's affluenza, yet believes he "rules" because he traded the camry in for a firebird. (at very least i think this ironic. or -- did i somehow misinterpret what the writer was trying to say?)

the real crux for me occurs at the conclusion of disembodied lester's monologue. in this anti-anti-climactic closing scene, the now fully-actualized "free spirit" intones:

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...

this utterance encapsulates precisely how i feel each and every second of my (stupid little) life. as i balance effort against resignation. as i reflect on the past, emprise the present, and speculate upon the future. as i remember my own lively existence serves also as my own memento mori. i can indeed emancipate myself from the empire of worry by seeing the beauty in everything... as long as i remember to let it flow through me. to not do so would be a tragic hero's character flaw that would necessarily lead to their downfall.

you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure. but don't worry... you will someday.

| 2003-08-09 11:00:00.0

my dear emily - we both know that a wedding day ceremony celebrates the start of a couple's married life together. because of this, i am guessing you will hear many heartfelt wishes for the future of mr. and mrs. corbett.

but. tonight, i wish to give you the gift of the past. i want tonight's toast to illicit in you every feeling of love you and mike have had for one another in your time together thus far.

that way, as you walk down life's path together, you will always know that, come good times or bad, you will not stumble; since your road has already been paved with a shared history of many deeply felt events.

your relationship with mike has a richness of content that does not AND SIMPLY CANNOT belong to the first days of love. like a work of art, or a fine wine, or maybe even the opinions of possibly wise old men ;-) -- always appreciate what time can do to enhance the value of truly precious things.

and so, i happily propose a toast, not only to tomorrow and the future, but to a past that has not only bought us all here today, but to a past that will ASSURE the future we all wish for emily and mike. cheers!

--------------------

to the couple today:

I want to thank you all for coming today to share in this, the most special of events. I also want to thank Mike for asking me (or is that "thank Emily for LETTING Mike ask me") to be the best man. Either way, it is indeed an incredible honor and a privilege.

And let's ALL thank the ushers for being so courteous and the bridesmaids for attending to the bride's needs and for being so very beautiful with a round of applause. Now I see the ushers frowning - its ok guys - you're beautiful too. Sheesh - divas!

Now, I must admit - I am very nervous, as this is the first best man speech I've ever given. But, I just keep reminding myself that this is only the rehearsal dinner, so I'm sure I'll be ready when the time comes to give my real speech next week.

Supposedly, tradition says my responsibility here today is to embarrass the groom. I can't see how Mike really needs anyone's help in this matter... But here goes...

What can I say about Mike Corbett that hasn't already been said about him many times before in your local newspaper's police blotter?

In all seriousness - Mike has made my task very difficult. Quite unfortunately for me, he is and always has been a man of the utmost moral character. I can't make a single joke about a wild past involving overindulgence in wine, women or song because that is simply not Mike's past.

I can't even make jokes about his bachelor party. Throughout the entire long and boisterous event, Mike was consistently polite to everyone in attendance. I'll give you an example. Even though it was very late and even though Mike was very tired when the party ended, he STILL volunteered to drive ALL THREE of the dancing girls home. WHAT A GUY! Huh?

No no no -- there were no dancing girls. The party actually consisted of playing videogames while drinking sodapop and eating cake. And yet somehow, amazingly - we all had a great time?!?! ;-)

This little bachelor party tale helps illustrate why I so admire Mike and why I am so very pleased he considers me his friend. The fact of the matter is that Mike has never needed to seek fulfillment in life by experiencing empty, superficial and passing thrills.

As all of you close to him already know, Mike has always been full of himself.

Wait...what I mean to say is that Mike is confident in being Mike. He has self-respect. And self-respect is the ONLY human trait that guarantees a person can and will have respect for others. AND RESPECT OTHERS HE DOES.

This brings us to today's perfect bride Emily. I can assure you Mike completely respects her. Granted, its really not hard for him or anyone else to respect her, as she too is such a wonderful individual. In Emily I see true beauty, intelligence, compassion, and every other facet of life's precious gem we call love. In fact, Emily displays nothing but love to all creatures great and small. If you ever saw Emily's menagerie of pet toads, mice and rats, you would know she loves even the dumbest of animals.

Which conveniently brings us back to Mike.

Mike. I thank you for being my friend. Over the years you have made me laugh and you have been there for me when I cried. I hope to one day become even half of the man that you are. (Well, the better half at least.)

In conclusion, I am sure you will agree that Mike and Emily make an absolutely brilliant couple. They are GENUINELY NICE PEOPLE and they truly deserve one another. AND DOESN'T IT JUST MAKE YOU SICK!

I am kidding. Truth be told, I ENVY THEM. In fact, I envy every single experience they have shared and will share together... except when they experience the arrival of the credit card bills for today's event.

I'd like to thank you all for your kind attention, and let me just say that if you've enjoyed listening to this speech as much as I've enjoyed making it, then all I can do is apologize most sincerely.

Now my dearest ladies and most gentle of men, may I ask you to please stand for a toast to the happy couple.

Mike and Emily... we love you... we love that you love us... and, we love that you love one another. May the very best of your past be the very worst of your future.

- CHEERS!

| 2003-10-08 00:01:11.0

| 2003-11-15 17:00:16.0

| 2004-04-23 06:18:36.0

at first, i didn't know where i was. in fact, looking back at the preponderance of maps i consulted in the past, i noticed that all the paths had referenced the same terminus; denoted in sanskrit as "extinction". ineffably - and verily - a disinterested interest was indeed found immediately upon arrival.

today i reached nirvana.

postcards are forthcoming. plus, i already know i will be back here many times... while concurrently realizing i'll never actually leave this empyreal locale that is nowhere. and, even though you are here now with me (and i am back there with you) you really need to be here with you.

i'll send you my maps -- just be sure you cast them aside posthaste, as they finally obtain their pith when one becomes aware of their meaninglessness.

| 2005-05-16 19:15:08.0

very recently, three disparate friends have each randomly referenced this particular polemic.

maybe you too would like to ponder cosmetic preparations and practices -- as well converse about the concomitant concerns of aesthetics/beauty, fashion, self-esteem, love and the like.

if you do - simply click on the links above and apply your thoughts liberally.

| 2006-10-22 00:40:04.0

yes i see you are hurting
that's delusion's one truth
would if i could clear your fears away
with a smile, a kiss, and breath

but here's a gift-wrapped package
chock-full of compassion
full of kindness worth more than beauty
respect worth more than diamonds

peace to you and friendship, too
while you taste the sweetest
cotton candy-flavored forgiveness
i'll sing your praises to the moon

both past and future be not.
just the present - here. now.
light through heart's prism is never caught
where what's real/life burgeons and juts

a promise to always love
as a bodhisattva
who will never forgo samsara
since my sentiment is for you